Help Save My Marriage – 3 Things Not To Do

Has your spouse hurt or betrayed you? You are probably angry and confused. Even so you may be wondering, "Is there any way I can help save my marriage?" Many people ask this question every day so you are not alone. The good news is if both partners are willing, there is a good chance your marriage can be saved.

You may have expected that answers to your question of ways to "help save my marriage" would center on relationship techniques or ways to change your spouse. The truth is, you must start with yourself. No matter what your spouse has done, your reaction to his transgressions is what has a bearing on whether your marriage can be saved.

Here are three things you should not do when you are faced with a marriage crisis and what you should do instead:

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 1

Do not play the victim card. When your spouse has done you wrong, it is only natural to go into victim mode. In fact if he has done something serious like had an affair or gambled away your savings, you certainly have good reason to feel like a victim. However, when you act like one it makes you undesirable to your spouse and will cause others to have less respect for you.

Be a survivor. You can't control your spouse but you can control your reaction to what he does. Take responsibility for the way you behave when your marriage hits the rocks. Displaying strength of character will make you more appealing and may even make you feel better about yourself.

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 2

Do not hold onto anger. The only way your relationship will heal is if you can release your anger and forgive your spouse. That is easier said than done but it is important for your relationship and even more important for you. People think forgiveness is intended for the other person, but really it benefits the person forgiving. It releases a burden and releases emotional energy that keeps you stuck.

Just because you forgive it doesn't mean you forget because that would be nearly impossible. It also doesn't mean you have to accept your spouse's behavior. It simply means you have recognized it, and decided you will get over it and move forward n your relationship. This action takes away the power the anger had over you so you can use that energy towards rebuilding your relationship.

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 3

Avoid condemnation. If your spouse has hurt you deeply it is a natural reaction to judge him and condemn him. However, you should keep in mind that as humans we are all susceptible of doing unpredictable things we can't explain. That is not an excuse for bad choices for those should rightly be met with severe consequences. It just means that rather than standing in judgment, you have an understanding that all of us as humans make mistakes.

To save your marriage, it helps if you understand the motivation for your spouse's transgressions rather than offering condemnation of them. Once you understand why he did what he did, you are in a better position to begin the healing process and work on making your marriage stronger than ever.