Learn How to Save Your Marriage by Asking Yourself These Questions

Marriage can be a joyful relationship, but it can also be painful. The joy that used to be in some couples' marriages may seem like it's been gone for such a long time that it might never come back. Marriage doesn't need to be that way, however. After you learn how to save your marriage you'll realize that you can do many things to get the joy back in your relationship. You'll need to be willing to evaluate your behavior and change whatever might be necessary. Change is never easy, but if you're interested in how to save your marriage, you'll need to make some changes.

What's in it for your spouse?

Listing the things you contribute to the relationship is one of the first things you should do when it comes down to how to save your marriage. This doesn't mean writing down things like doing the grocery shopping, contributing income toward paying the bills or doing the housecleaning.

Instead, you should list everything you do to make the relationship good or bad. Do you frequently tell your spouse how thankful you are that he or she is in your life and doing things for you? Do you listen when your spouse needs someone to talk with about something that is troublesome? Are you affectionate? Or, do you bring up your partner's shortcomings all the time?

A bank account resembles a marriage in some ways. Deposits go in and withdrawals come out. If you make more withdrawals than deposits, your bank account - and your marriage - will eventually run out. When you want to know how to save your marriage, realize that part of the process involves making plenty of deposits into your relationship.

Are you trying to control everything in your relationship?

Some people feel the need to control everything in a relationship. If this describes you, and you want everything on your own terms, you're being incredibly disrespectful to your spouse as well as being selfish. Your spouse may have dealt with it for a very long time, but if how to save your marriage is important, you need to stop because your spouse has probably had enough of it. Marriage isn't supposed to be a dictatorship with one spouse always expecting the other to "obey" their every whim. Rather, marriage is intended to be a partnership. When you try to control your spouse, the result is usually resentment. When you learn how to save your marriage, you'll realize that your spouse is a person too, and your wants and needs won't always be identical. To have a good marriage you need to learn how to compromise. You'll greatly increase your chances of saving your marriage and making it a much happier relationship if you start respecting the wants, needs and feelings of your spouse.

Do you "get even" with your spouse?

The type of controlling behavior described above can easily damage a marriage, but passive-aggressive behavior can also be destructive. Passive-aggressive people act inappropriately when trying to have their needs satisfied, and their behavior is distinctly unhealthy for a marriage. These people don't say what they truly feel or need; instead, they say one thing and then do something which contradicts it, either obviously or in little ways. They are usually trying to "get even" with their spouse.

Here's an example. The husband wants to spend a day playing golf with his friends. His wife says fine, but she's really not happy about it. She gets even by "accidentally" putting his new red shirt into the laundry with his white clothes. Those white clothes are now ruined, and her marriage might be damaged by her action as well. Passive-aggressive behavior works against having a healthy marriage.

Think about these questions if you're trying to figure out how to save your marriage. You might not be able to change your spouse, but you can change yourself and your behavior. When you're trying to save your marriage, try starting with how you treat your spouse. After you make some changes for the better, your spouse probably will too.

For more information, see Part 2 How To Save A Marriage