Saving My Marriage  & How I Need To Pay Attention!

If you have been absorbed in thoughts like "What can I do to begin saving my marriage" then you should find comfort in the fact that it is not only you with this question. Each moment in the day is filled with thousands of people that are asking themselves the very same question about their marriage. Some of them are in the midst of a full on marital crisis while others have given up and have filed for a divorce. It does not have to end this way though. Let me tell you about some of the steps that I took when I worked towards saving my marriage.

Your Expectations Should Be Changed

As I began to see some real problems in my marriage I had to make a decision as to if I really wanted to begin saving my marriage. Once I answered the question with "yes!" I knew that I needed to make some changes in my expectations. I was very naïve and young when I took my vows. My expectations were unrealistic and they were certainly leading to problems in our relationship. These are a few of my misguided thoughts at the time:

* There should never be any conflict in a marriage.

* I can rely on my spouse to know exactly what I am feeling so there is no need to say it out loud. If I am angry or sad then they will surely know why without me saying a word.

* Our marriage should be exciting and full of romance at all times.

This is not nearly the whole list of my misguided thoughts but I will stick to those three for now. The expectations that I had were impossible to meet, even for the best marriage.

Be Sure To Give, Not Only Take

One other area that I needed to make some drastic changes in order to work towards saving my marriage was that I was always taking from the relationship. I really didn't intend for it to be this way but as I began really looking at our relationship I realized that I was being very selfish. My spouse was expected to give all that they could but I didn't give back to them nearly enough. I had to spend some time evaluating before I realized that I should work on not taking my spouse for granted. I needed to be less self centered and begin finding ways to give back to my spouse.

Work on Raising My Spouses Self Esteem

An area in particular that I failed my spouse was by letting her self esteem drop. I just assumed that they did not need me to boost her self esteem. They were truly a wonderful person with great qualities. I almost never told them anything that would come across as affirming because I really thought that they did not need me to. As I began looking at ways that will help with saving my marriage I realized that I needed to put her self esteem at the top of my priority list.

Support Your Spouse

I really needed to support my spouse if I wanted to continue on my journey, saving my marriage. I completely took her self confidence and strength for granted. I had no idea that she really needed my reassurance, comfort and my support.

My efforts towards saving my marriage became the focus of my efforts. As I made some changes in my behavior in these three areas, my spouse began to give more back to me as well. My marriage was neglected for entirely too long. My hope is that you will not neglect your marriage any longer and that you will begin the necessary steps to make things better. It did take me a lot of effort and time but the end results were definitely worth it. I truly hope you find the same great results at the end of your journey.